a hitchhiking John Waters


"I do still hitchhike - it’s a great way to meet people, and to have sex." - John Waters

This unbelievably cool story was posted on my timeline (by @dgrollmus who is unbelievably cool too - follow her)  today...  Band picks up hitchhiking John Waters

Nothing this cool has ever happened to me.
Okay, well there was that one time that the Von Trapp Family Singers got on the same train that I was on in Chicago (not the real ones...it's a long, awesome story).

So like hitchhiking leads to sex? I was brought up believing it led to Ted Bundy and/or rape, death, dismemberment.  My mother let me read all the horrible stories in the paper and watch the made-for-television movies and People magazine (back when they used to report on murders weekly). I have a laundry list of fears that developed from these influences. Anyway, I'm digressing.

I'm scared to death to hitchhike or pick up a hitchhiker, and add to this that hitchhiking has all but been eliminated from the greater Los Angeles area. I think this is because we're on freeways all the time or fear.  Whatever. I have a new fantasy.  Listed below in no rational or realistic order is the list of people I want to pick-up hitchhiking aka have an intense conversation while driving down a deserted road then have passionate sex with:

1.  Leonard Cohen  - Because afterwards...he'd write a song about me
2.  Jon Hamm - unshaven
3.  Bill Hader - but only in the Herb Welch costume 
4.  Nigella Lawson - because she totally would have packed some leftovers for the trip
5.  Francois Arnaud - this would take place in Canada and also he'd be wearing his Cesare Borgia codpiece while thumbing for a ride
6.  Paul Henreid - because he'd light me a cigarette while I drove 
7.  Peter Breck - but only in his Nick Barkley black leather vest costume
8.  Shirley Manson - and she would sing the new Garbage album for me
9.  Ernest Hemingway -  he would pour me tumblers of alcohol and tell me all his tales
10.  Alex Pettyfer - no talking though...

(I reserve the right to add or subtract from this list as I continue fantasizing.)

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