only one type of break-up

I really only have one type of break-up.

 The painful, angry, years of heartache kind.

 I am never friends with an ex.

 Only one.

 Because I will always love his big, fat beautiful soul.

It took ten years and then about 200 days of agony to achieve closure.

 But he is a pal now.


Still I hate the others.

 Hate.

The fault lies with me I think.

 Until it doesn't.

 Some of them have the burden of blame.

 Not to hear them tell it.

Can't do much about that though.

 Except console yourself with stolen pieces of their clothing.


 I always have a moment of clarity when I know a relationship will end.

 Always.

 Then I spend six to twelve months ignoring that truth.

 If you don't voice it then you won't be alone again.

 And alone is the worst.  


 I am not fair or kind or rational in the end.

 Because by then I abhor you.

 Even so, I will mourn for months the worst of the lot.

 My heart is exhausted most of the time.

 It's a wonder that it beats strong enough to keep me alive.

 This dumb heart endures though.

 And its hope is stronger than my will.

 Thankfully.



Popular posts from this blog

Things I Would Do To A 500 lb. Cheesecake

Tomorrow night at the White House Staff Inaugural Ball lucky attendees get to eat a 500 lb. cheesecake. Here are details. 500 lb Cheesecake from Eli's I am consumed with just the thought of 500 lbs of creaminess. These are the things I would do to that wheel of sugar and eggs and cream cheese if I were left alone in the White House, or any house really, with it. 1.)  Stick my face directly into the middle of it and start eating my way to the edge. 2.)  Eat it spoonful by spoonful even if it takes me all year. 3.)  Pour heated hot fudge sauce all over it then begin licking. 4.)  Rub at least 5 lbs of the cheesecake all over my body and writhe in happiness. 5.)  Smoosh a 25 lbs of it on white canvas, matte and frame it, hang it on my wall, and write sonnets to it for the rest of my life. 6.)  Buy a California King sized bed so I could sleep with my arms wrapped around it every night. 7.)  And then eat a little for breakfast every mor...
Read more

and once again...

It's been awhile so I have more TV thoughts to expound upon because as well know...TV is what I do best. In no particular order: 1. Dear 30 Rock...I know it's fun to mock Liz Lemon but this season it's getting out of hand. I am, possibly, internalizing it too much, but when loyal, lovable Floyd calls Liz Lemon a badger I think you've gone too far. 2. Additionally 30 Rock, I'm not laughing as much as I used to. Don't get me wrong. I still laugh-specifically last week when you made the pranksters get naked and they were all screaming like girls, but I'm not rolling around in hysterics over every single of minute like I used to. That makes me sad. I depended on 30 Rock for the absurdist, surreal and just flat out manic laughs that it delivered Seasons 1 through 3. 3. I know some BSG fans don't like Caprica. I am not one of them. I have watched each episode of Caprica at least 3 times. It may be Eric Stoltz & Esai Morales & Sasha Roiz & that ...
Read more

You know you're alone on a Sunday afternoon... (randomish again)

Image
... when you realize just how loudly you're singing along to a Bob Dylan song.  Essentially it's when your voice is reverberating off the ceiling in the dining room and because you're so freaking tone deaf it hurts your own ears. ...when you make strawberry-basil ice cubes to for a strawberry-basil cocktail that was in Saturday's Wall Street Journal.  I mean, I even made simple syrup.  Yikes. ...when you spend about two hours searching bread pudding recipes, you make the bread pudding, and then proceed to eat half of the pan before you realize just how many eggs and how much cream you put in this goddamn bread pudding.  So worth it though.  Did I mention I took photos too? I did.  Further, I reviewed and rated the recipe (seriously, it's a damn good recipe - here's a link Bread Pudding II (also known as the one recipe that didn't require 'hot milk') Prep! Pre-Bake Post-Bake/Pre-Eaten ...when you actually resort to emailing fami...
Read more