Powerballs! (or the blog post where I pay attention to Bart)

Random Thoughts from this Powerball-Less Woman 


- My mother convinced me to NOT throw myself at Bart via text just to get half of his $550 million when he wins tonight.  Her exact words, "He would have to trust you A LOT to marry you this afternoon."

I mean is she implying that I, her only daughter, is less than trustworthy?!?!?

(she totally is and I totally am not trustworthy)

- My father says we're going to wait until no one wins the drawing tonight and then drive to Yuma, Arizona before the Saturday drawing.  Except that when Bart wins the fucking money tonight it's TOO late for that, and I won't be married to him.

- Does New York have community property laws?

- WHY DO I LIVE IN A STATE WITHOUT THE POWERBALL?!?!?! WHY GOD WHY?!?

- If California did participate in the Powerball, and I pulled all five winning numbers tonight, I would buy:

  - a house on a beach (because my mother hates the beach and therefore wouldn't visit often) 
  - an RV for my older, idiot stepsister because she recently asked my parents to buy her one and I
    think that is hysterical (this is absolutely true)
 -  a first class ticket to New York to pay Bart some fucking respect in person, also possibly a blowjob (I never know. Is blowjob one word or two? Two words looks better to me)  
 -  this really expensive sweater that I saw in a catalog last week..if I could only remember which
   catalog or what the sweater looked like (I remember that I coveted it though)
 -  a case of Johnny Walker BLUE (if I'm rich, I'm not drinking RED ever again) 
 -  lobsters... a lot of lobsters
 -  butter for the lobsters
 -  Cupcake Cellars because then I could just bathe in Red Velvet wine
 -  why did this list veer into food and wine?
 -  an engagement ring to give to Bart for when he doesn't propose to me and turns me down because  'marriage is for The Man' (an actual quote from Bart himself)
 -  and finally, a really big SVU that I will always be too scared to park because I am not good at
    driving or parking big SVU's

- I think if Bart doesn't win the $550 million Powerball drawing tonight this blog is going to be crushed with disappointment.  Also, we will be proposing marriage and blow jobs to someone else entirely.

- Additionally, he's not allowed to ever complain about not getting any blog respect again.

That is, if he does, in fact, read this at all.

ETA with updated info:  

If I didn't know that I would be ex-communicated from this family for waking my dad up, I would right now be SCREAMING at him because....

1 winner in Missouri
1 winner in ARIFUCKINGZONA

I am going to kill my father.



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